If only...

Do you ever think to yourself when you wake up in the morning- 'If only I didn't have college' 'If only I didn't have work' 'If only I didn't have to wake up...'

I think that every day. I never really get a lie in, thats what happens when you beg your mum for a dog, promising her you will walk it every single morning. To be honest, I don't really sleep at all. You see, during the day, my mind is going at 0.1mph, but at night it's as if it is never going to stop. When I want to go to sleep, I can't. But when I want to do something productive with my life, it's like my brain goes in slow motion, and that's when I tend to drift off.

Weird don't you think? If only my brain would let me go to sleep at night, and be wide awake during the day. It shouldn't be the other way round. It's not right.

My brain is a strange thing. Even I know that. I reckon some wires have been crossed up in there, no no, I'm sure of it. It's like right now, I'm sat at college writing this post because I simply don't know what else to do. My mind is blank. It's not like I haven't got anything to do though. I have got work that I should be getting on with, but I have gotten to the point in life where I think- what's the point?

I know that the harder I work at college will give me great results etc. but what am I going to do with them? I don't really know what I am going to do with my life after college. Should I go to university, or do an apprenticeship, or just stay full time at the chippy? It feels like no matter what I will choose to do in life, I am going to disappoint someone in my family. I know I want to be a journalist, but it scares me that I have gone down one path for the rest of my life... I can't think of anything worst than staying in the same job all your life.

Life isn't about routine and strategy. It's about getting out there, seeing the world and all of it's beauty. I wish I had wings, so I could fly away, and not come back for a while. I just want pure freedom, but that's not going to happen. Guess I just have to stick to what I have chosen, and actually see it through.